Irene

Today I am counting my blessings, I have a wonderful boyfriend who is sweet and supportive and he spoils me. His family is incredibly wonderful to me and I am happy for the most part here. We were originally slated for hurricane Irene to hit us head on but alas it went west and missed the cape almost entirely. We have had bad winds today but no rain or loss of power. Though our power has flickered we are sitting here with all of our regular comforts, such as ac, tivo and our laptops.

Though part of me wants to witness a major storm such as Irene, or a tornado, it's always bad to temp fate.

I am still waiting to hear about the other job I applied for. I would love for this job to work out so any extra thoughts and prayers would be greatly appreciated. This job would combine my love of medicine with an office that seemed so warm and friendly. I throughly enjoyed applying and I just realllllly want this job even though its less money.

Im praying for everyone affected by hurricane or tropical storm Irene.

All things must change.

Ive been thinking about my old life in Florida quite a bit today. I miss my friends, I miss ladies night and I miss Charlie. It's been hard leaving Disney too....I miss the discounts and the people I worked with. It is part of the reason that I stayed so long.

I feel like an interloper, having to hear things through the grape vine when I use to be the one people would tell them to first. Now it just makes me cry.

And when it all seems to be to much, I remember the reason I left. I am in way over my head love.

He is the reason I was created. He is so wonderful and patient with me and I can't wait to be with him forever.

Its a sex and the city kind of day

Since my last blog things have started to become hopeful again. I've gone on a few job interviews....none for what I have a degree in but that doesnt seem to matter.

I think the reason that I panicked so badly was that I HATE my job (notice the hate in all capitals). Its extremely stressful and the people are often impossible. I need a new job, something I like doing....something that I get excited about. Beau loves his job but to be fair hes also had 6 more years of finding himself than Ive had. It isn't fair to compare our lives

So the great job search continues. I am interviewing for medical assistant, dental assistant, secretary.

My point is....if anyone in Cape Cod wants to hire and HR girl. Here I am! Please?

Just another sad sad song....

I had a complete melt down today on the way home from the animal shelter. As soon as we pulled out of the parking lot I started to uncontrollably sob. I'm sad for so many reasons I miss my family, I miss my friends, I have no friends here, I hate my job, I'm unsure of how serious my boyfriend is about me. It all came out though because my man told me once again that I could not get a cat. He kept saying "we'll get you a cat eventually" which just made it all worse. Eventually is such a vague term....I like to have a time line...to know when thing are going to happen.

I finally got a real answer as to why I can't have a kitten though. According to the beau he is still adjusting to me living in his apartment...which hurt a lot more than I let him know. Shouldn't he be adjusted by now? If he didn't want me living here shouldn't he have not asked me to move in with him. He knew this was going to happen. He asked for it, didn't he?

I feel so lost. Im so sad and upset and I don't know how to fix it...or even if I can.

Today is a two parter

Ingredients

• 2 small heads Boston lettuce, torn into pieces
• 12 ounces sliced deli roast beef
• 1 large beefsteak tomato, cut into wedges
• 1/2 red onion, sliced
• 4 ounces soft goat cheese, crumbled
• 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
• 2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
• 2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
• kosher salt and black pepper

Directions

1. Divide the lettuce, roast beef, tomato, onion, and goat cheese among bowls.
2. In a small bowl, whisk together the oil, vinegar, mustard, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and 1/4 teaspoon pepper. Drizzle over the salad.

I've been awfully whiney lately so to show that I am not completely self absorbed... 




"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever."




Psalm 23

All you need is love?

I think The Beetles were wrong when they sang all you need is love. Love doesn't fix broken things.

Do you ever feel like your incredibly stupid? I feel like that pretty much 24-7 but its been much worse since I took this job. I wake up feeling sick to my stomach every morning because I don't want to go and I leave every night and cry. This is not how it was suppose to be.

My laundry list of things that are upsetting me:
1) I hate my job
2) I have no friends (literally none, except for my beau's mother and she does NOT count)
3) I gave up my entire life to move to some god forsaken island to be with my beau and he won't even let me have a cat, let alone marry me or talk about starting a family.
4) I'm far from my family


So far I have cried myself to sleep 3 nights this week and he hasn't noticed once. I don't know what is worse, feeling this way or feeling this way and not having him notice that anything is wrong.


I think Im officially depressed.